repository for the occasional perambulatory rumination

i’m quite the independent person, a girl who Likes To Do Things Herself.

usually.

but this morning i’m pondering My Purpose In Life, and i declare: i wish somebody would just tell me. send me an email. give me a call. draw me a picture. i want to open up the mailbox to an envelope with the return address “your life”.

i don’t mind filling out a short questionnaire if that’ll help. what the heck: i’ll even commit to a double-sided questionnaire cause i’m feeling generous.

or desperate.

today’s search for MPIL has taken me to various blogs recommended by google, and really, they’re all saying the same thing but in different wordclothing . . . overcome your fears. be courageous. think positive. believe in yourself. abundance. attraction. development, as in the personal variety. that age-ole exercise keeps cropping-up: visualize your life as you want it to be.

and here, my friends, we arrive at our first roadblock: i’m just not real sure what i want my life to look like.

thinner, sure.

right now my hair is fine. (just got it done 2 days ago. a new gal did it, and she was fearless . . . which means she created a virtual masterpiece atop my head, if i do say so myself.)

more money would be nice, of course.

i sure would enjoy a few extra hours in each day.

you see part of the problem by now: specificity. or, more to the point, the lack thereof.

i’ve never been much of a quantifying kind of gal, but we all know that goals must be quantifiable to be of any good whatsoever. thinner: how much? more money: how much? and so on and so forth. at least that’s what They All tell us about goals.

pushing goals and familiar maxims aside, i tried writing a little ditty for my kids, something to convey what i consider to be The Most Important Things In Life. thought that might ignite or at lease enkindle something. but – you guessed it – i can’t begin cause i can’t think of one thing i consider to be All That Important.

i tried the ole’ write your own obituary/create your own tombstone exercise with the same result: i don’t know. i just don’t know.

is it hormones that have caused this way of thinking? do i have a untilnow-unrecognized problem with commitment? have i picked up a dreaded bad habit along the way? is my desk in the wrong place? do i need to dress like i’m working on Something Important, and if so, what shall i put on?

i USED to be able to do things like write a mission/purpose statement. i USED to be able to say This Is Important, Pay Attention. but somewhere along the way i kinda’ gave up such clear and specific ways of thinking in favor of . . . well, i guess it was just easier given all i had to think of/deal with/take care of. and apparently That Kind Of Thinking stuck.

so what’s a girl to do with this sort of invasive befuddlement?

sigh.

guess the only thing to do is sleep in my Miss Scarlett pajamas tonight and get up in the morning humming “fiddle-dee-dee” and “with god as my witness” and maybe even the occasional “oh, but i love you, rhett darling” as i make my way back to the computer, sit myself down, and see what comes out the ole’ fingertips.

now i’m going to take myself in there and watch the olympics because like miss scarlett: “i can’t think about that any more right now. if i do, i’ll go crazy. i’ll think about it tomorrow.” and hopefully, tomorrow the befuddlement of today will be a mere snippet of memory that gets added to the mix.

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Comments

3 Responses to “MPIL or Bust”

  1. Acey on August 14th, 2008 12:00 pm

    my all time favorite visualization: visualizing a world where nobody asks/tells me to visualize something. EVER AGAIN.

  2. jeanne, herself on August 14th, 2008 12:07 pm

    oh acey, did i ever NEED a laugh. especially a kindred spirit/cerebral/smart women laugh. i swear, i read these personal development blogs/books and i hear: blah blah blah blah blah. sure have missed you as i’ve galavanted without computer.

  3. glennis on August 23rd, 2008 6:04 pm

    very good grasshopper….
    perhaps there is no purpose?
    just living day by day

    sometimes i wonder if i ever did find “it” that would be the end! not yet ready for that!

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